How I long for Yesterday...

There's a Beatles song in my play list I've listened to many times but never really could relate. Today, I finally get it and oh, how I long for yesterday. Throughout my life I’ve met people who have provided guidance and encouragement. Of those I’ve cross paths with there are five individuals who have molded me into the person I am today.

My Grandmother was one. She encouraged my love of music. In the 1930s, with no technology, families spent time together. Time at the dinner table in conversation or in their living rooms listening to music. My great-grandfather played the fiddle and instilled the love of music in his children. Yesterday… I can close my eyes and see a vivid memory of my grandmother in her rocker listening to me play the violin.

Yesterday… A gentleman and a scholar who mentored my little brother and I for 4 years left this earth after suffering a heart attack. He instilled a love of mathematics in both of us. I never understood numbers until he opened my eyes to the wonders of equations and their possibilities. His guidance steered me in the direction of my future career path of Sciences and Math.

The last moment he spent with both of was working through an equation with me and telling my little brother how proud he was of him. My little brother scored the highest score EVER at our local college on a College Algebra asset test. Yes, he’s only a freshman in high school and this loss will have a tremendous impact on him.

 This man has shoes that are going to be hard to fill. A teacher, a mentor, a gentle soul. He impacted the lives of so many students. His loss will be felt forever.

Sun is getting low in the sky and those leaving our town have no idea a gentle soul has departed the earth. For me, I can’t seem to find an in between. Just hate the way things must be. Life seems cruel, people are cruel, and the way people go is just cruel. Crying and time will heal the souls left behind longing for yesterday.

Boyfriends Back...

Sorry Dad...

My Tony is here for the holiday weekend and he couldn’t have come at a better time. I seem to be experiencing some changes... OK... more like pulling my hair out on the friend front. You know me and drama. We just don’t sync.

What is it about “girls” who want what they can’t have… and THEN when they finally get what they’ve been scheming for… they screw it up. It’s like a bad daytime soap that you can’t walk away from.

Why does life have to be so complicated? Ever heard of the band Cheap Trick? I want you to want me... easy right and end of story. If only life could be that easy.

Tony always seems to pick the best time to save me from the drama of small town USA. In the words of Sponge Bob Square Pants,  “It was the best day ever!”

I just love that boy!

Spontaneous...

Spontaneous can be awesome word. I believe I’m the type of person who can be spontaneous and flexible when needed. Okay… in my own mind I am. Tony might beg to differ.

So, no post last week as a situation spontaneously unfolded which left my family scrabbling, panicked, worried, and mentally exhausted. What my family wasn’t prepared for last week was the power of human body and its ability to be Spontaneous.

My little brother, whom I adore and just had the best day ever with (Homecoming), was experiencing chest pains and shortness of breath while in class. He has such a high tolerance for pain so, imagine NERD BOY leaving class to go visit the school nurse because he can’t BREATHE!

After a quick assessment by the nurse an ambulance was going to be called but my father works on campus so he opted to drive him to the emergency room.

Wait for it… he was diagnosed with Spontaneous Pneumothorax. A collapsed left lung. Apparently, the condition is seen in young men in their 20s who are tall and thin. My brother is:

ü  Tall

ü  Thin

ü  20 years old… whoa… wait… what… um 14??

No rhyme, no reason, no logical explanation by specialists. After a day of wait and see his lung had collapsed below his 4^th rib. He was admitted to hospital and placed on oxygen therapy. Solution stick a tube in his chest to allow the escaped air a way out. Unfortunately, the risk outweighed the benefit.

He endured an IV which was inserted by a nurse whom… let’s just say wasn’t used to dealing with pediatric patients. My father about went "bat shiz crazy" on her. My parents endured question after question about trauma he may have experienced… accident, physical trauma, no… no… no… 

And finally, he was a medical celebrity of sorts. This hospital had never seen a Spontaneous Pneumothorax in a child this young and all their nursing students wanted front row seat to the TUBE procedure. The whole time this was unfolding my mother said the only thought in her mind was, "get the hell out of my lane!"

After the longest 72 hours in our family history he was stable and lung slowly starting to repair itself. He described the episode as being hit in the chest by a Semi. We are hoping this is a onetime episode but who knows. We shall WAIT and SEE.

Super Saturday...

It's been a busy Saturday. 

I was accepted to my first choice of colleges. Deposits paid, housing application submitted, and I'm officially a Sun Devil.

We had a chess tournament 5 hours away from home and made it back just in time to get dressed for Homecoming dance. 

I must say my little brother was so handsome and such a sweetheart to escort me to Senior Homecoming dance.

We had a great evening dining out and having fun at the dance. It was a great group of friends to chill with. Tradition is to close out the evening at the local diner. 

Its bittersweet to think one part of my life is coming to a close and the next chapter is just beginning. The one person I will truly miss is my little brother. 

Changes...

I’m in a Bowie kind of mood this week. Sorry for the late post today. I was busy making some drastic changes to my appearance yesterday. I’ve had Bowie’s song, “Changes” stuck in my head.

“Strange fascination, fascinating me, Changes are taking the pace, I'm going through”

Very similar to this Shade.

I finally took the plunge and dyed my hair ALL shades of Red! I’m so grateful my Tony has a red/green color blindness and well he’s FAR AWAY! No shocking him!

I’ve needed a change for a while. I didn’t jump off the cliff… I dove head first.

I’m starting to take on an attitude, of “whatever.”  I’m not sure why people feel like they need to be in everybody’s business and have an opinion about everything.

I’m quite content existing at this point. If you want to dye your hair green… more power to you. Whatever makes you happy… I’m there for you. Easy, right? How I wish…

I wish you all could have seen my father’s face when I walked in the door last night. Ah changes… He’s a product of the David Bowie era… CHANGES DAD… CHANGES…

 

Are you...

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and it ended with, "are you trying to make me feel bad?" 

Restless sleep last night thinking has that phrase ever crossed my lips. I hope not and if it has I am truly sorry for making something about me. What a horrible thing to say to a person...

What I believed to be an innocent conversation about a couple of people inquiring if someone was going to be in town, certainly turned into something it was never meant to be. I've rewound the conversation in my head and know there was no malicious intent on my end.

I'm a little weary this morning and feeling sad. I'm beginning to wonder if this person has any idea who am I? 

Words... just words... but certainly something to ponder today. Someone I cherish dearly once told me to surround myself with people who will always have your back, make you feel safe, and never make you feel less than you are. Lots to think about today.

David to the Rescue...

We all have siblings who are near and dear to us. I know there are times you just want to go into a WWF smack down with them... but for the most part they're ALWAYS there and have our backs.

Homecoming 2017 and no date. Go figure my Senior year of High School I should not be in this predicament.

 

Little brother to rescue! I didn’t even have to ask as he approached me and said he would love to escort me. What a cool kid!!!

So, I decided a few weeks ago to ask him as only a sister could…

And…

 

He said…

One of my best friends WHO thought she was going to sit this one out is also coming along. She seems to be in the "I hate Everyone" mood so this was her proposal… So, the 3 of us will have a GREAT time with no stress and great company.

I am so blessed to have very special people in my life. Those who lift me when I am down, who always have my back, and are quick to respond when I’m in need. My little brother is the brightest, kindest, and most generous person I know. Yes, I’m truly blessed.